Sunday, 11 August 2013

August 8th - Grange away

Dear Team Members, welcome to this weeks newsletter.

In pool news, Smokey puts his cue away in his new novelty cue case:



It's in the shape of a man.


David finds his perfect Chinese restaurant where he can do two things at the same time:



Classy


After his meal, David 'cleans' the table:


"That Foo Yung was fucking LOVELY, cunt"
shouted David.


And, Al Robbie's dad, George, reveals he used to star in spaghetti westerns as a Mexican bandit:


"Hey Amigo, you wanna go watch Hull FC?  They play mighty well, Gringo"


Grange away last week saw us all in Alan Robertson's family vehicle.  The game itself was emotional to say the least with our best player, Rikchard Owenham away in Memphis recording some Motown remixes with Bill Withers and our worstest player, Fleggy, still in retirement.  The game really got going in the 11th frame, with Terry's lad Mick McDermott going to the table with the score at 10-0.  A song came on the jukebox which led to a constant, huge chorus of "Crazy Old Goose" from our team whilst Mick was playing his frame.  The opposition had no idea what was going on.




Then it was our beloved captain's turn.  11-0 up.  Final frame.....


......come on the Grange player.....



.......yes!  He's fucking lost!  11-David final score!  We attacked the opposition player and celebrated wildly with him.  The opposition had no idea what was going on.  Al Robertson took us back to Hustlers only for us to find David fucking us off to go meet his proper mates called "Danny" and, rather suspiciously, "Danny".  He pretended to be going home to Beverley only to ring "Danny" up and state "yeah, 'course I've got a bag".  Mr M Quigley then asked him what was in that secret bag in his secret pocket.

"Polos" said David.

Fucking polos?


It was clear he was turning his back on his team and walked off into the sunset to meet....

.........."Danny"......and....


......"Danny".....with......


.........secret polos.


The questions that remain unanswered are

1)    Who is "Danny"?
2)    Why did he shun the team?
3)    Who is "Danny"?
4)    What was in that secret bag?

I asked my brother Mark Jubb what he thought was in the bag.  He came up with three ideas as to what could be in that secret bag:

Polo?



Polos?



Polo?


I knew it was a bad idea asking my brother Mark Jubb so I then did a Ouija Board and contacted Dave Locket in the afterlife.  His suggestion was a lot more sensible:



"A bag of secret recreational drugs that he didn't want to
share with his pool mates, only with his proper mates Danny and Danny"
said Dave "The Rocket" Locket.



Dog and Duck in Walkington next week lads.  Ishan is setting off early on his beautiful Grifter if anyone wants a lift.  Be outside the Halal Meat mini market on Spring Bankistan about 12.  He's got to drop one of his wives off at the Sari shop but you'll still get there before the match starts.

See you next week lads, David's not coming as he is shunning us again.





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