June 23rd Newsletter

Dear team members, welcome to this week's newsletter.

In pool news, Dave Wheeldon is still by the roadside on the way to Yarmouth:

.....and you've never done the double have you fuck.....

Dave Wheeldon's team unveil their new strip for the new season:

....and you've never done the double, you all dress like Barney Rubble....

And in Hustlers, someone reenacts the ridiculous attempt at a plant David tried in Yarmouth in the national finals:

David went on to miss.

His opponent cleared up.

David shook his hand.

David said "Well played mate"

This week saw us kick off the new season with a preliminary cup tie.  AMAZINGLY this is the 18th season in a row we've been drawn in the preliminary round and UNBELIEVABLY it is also the 18th season in a row that we've been drawn at home in the preliminary round!  It's uncanny that the biggest drinking team in the league is drawn at Hustlers every year for this extra game.  It's just uncanny.  Amazing really.  What are the chances?  When Phil had Hustlers, no expense was spared on the draw for the preliminary round of the cup, with Bill and George Pyoobs from Newbridge Club brought in:

Number 27.......Hustlers X..........will play....number 41.....Preston Road Alcoholics...

When Paul took over it went glamourous with Sky and ITV showing the draw live but Paul blew all his budget on Gianfranco Zola and had to get Chinky Bill, Lucky Star's delivery driver, as the other guest:

Number 14.....Hustlers X..........will play......Nummer twenny four....Special Fry Ry...

Good news as we won the game 7-1 with Mick the only shit cunt unlucky loser and more good news as we've been drawn at home in the next round (opponents yet to be decided).


David has taken things a bit far this week.  He saw Comet's latest advert on the television and took matters into his own hands.  Literally.

"Comet?  Fucking right I know where to come bitch.

Now stand up and show me your range of toasters please.

And what's that basket for cunt?"

See you next week.....

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June 8th you bastards

Good evening team members.  Welcome to this week's newsletter.

In pool news, Mick sends Kenny Dalglish a beautiful hand drawn birthday card with some of his reflections on the latest managerial appointment:

"Happy Cocks Big Chop"

Poignant.

David adds a female friend on Facebook:

 

Leave us alone, Rozzer.

And Bri Bayston brings out his new album:

Rich will be covering some material off the new album at his next gig.

In Dog and Duck in Walkington.

Well team members, Hustlers X were on for an unprecedented clean sweep after winning the League, the Cup and the three man team.  We had Peejay in the final of the singles, Q and Rikchard Owenham representing us in the final of the doubles and.......ha ha ha ha.......no, don't laugh..........David Hanarahanaranananaranaranarahanranahan "representing" us in the Captain's cup semi final!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Everyone was geared up for the clean sweep until David did the inevitable and got murdered.  The night went downhill from here as the clean sweep that we'd all been hoping for went up in smoke with our beloved leader proclaiming beforehand that he was "playing well".  He was right.  he DID play well!  He won three frames, that IS playing well!

After suffering the expected blow of David losing and the clean sweep going up in smoke before our very eyes, no one could concentrate anymore.  Peej got beat.  Q and Ricardo Owenio got beat.  Our hearts weren't in it.

It's all David's fault.

Dog and Duck in Walkington for presentation night next week lads. 


I feel as if I've forgotten something.......





......fuck knows......



........ah yes....



..........no Newsletter would be the same without a Jimmy Krankie pic when he appeared on Jim'll Fix It and was made to prove by Jimmy she really was a boy:

 

'Savile's cock is bigger than mine.  Obviously'

.....and no newsletter would be quite complete a cumshot.  David found this poor drunken girl passed out in the back of Pete Evvy's garden.  But he looked after her like a true gent:

Wake up cunt

...................

1st June Newsletter

Hello Team Members, welcome to this week's newsletter.

With no game Hustlers X were left with a free week to do whatever they wanted to do.

PJ goes for a few frames in Hustlers and convinces Lucy burger that the white really did land up there after his break off:

 

Foul.  Two Visits.  Open table.

Mick Melia unveils a totally random banner in the Odeon cinema during Iron Man 3:

Some cinema goers could not see the movie and Mick was asked to take it down.

Fleggy goes to Hull Theatre to watch a moving drama about a small boy who grows and nurtures a beautiful beanstalk:

It's a cracker.

David saves it all up for a full three days as a special "treat" for Beverley:

 

There you go darling.  It's all for you.

Q went dogging:

Shut it bitch.

Rich/Rik/Richard Dunham/Owen does his biggest gig to date at West Hull Libs and the crowd are fucking loving it:

Fucking loving it man

Ishan's trailers for his Grifter become ridiculous as he takes his family to the afternoon beheading:

Well, it keeps him fit.

And Billy leaves a loving, poignant message for his mum to apologise for the state of his bedroom:

Beautiful.

....................