Dear Team Members, welcome to this week's newsletter including a mega free gift for every reader!
A bumper edition this week as I (Chris Jubb) have been away shagging slags in Prague and Amsterdam with my brother Marcus.
In pool news Paint Dry Pete shows us a photo of when he was on Bullseye back in '81:
And this is actually what Jim Bowen said to Peter:
"Well Paint Dry, you need 61 with your last dart,
let's have a look what you could've won.....
....oh it's a speedboat....."
Perky brings out a new Betamax video of his best finishes from the '80s:
Only five shillings.
Nick the Brief passes out in Hustlers after 3 pints of wine:
Half eleven a.m.
And PJ still can't find that cue ball up Juicy:
Hello?....hello?......hello?.....hello?....
Can we have our ball back?....back?....back?....back?.....
Hustlers X were at home again this week against Cavalier Club. We're always at home. Back to Thursday and it was a bittersweet atmosphere with the welcome return of Rikchard Owenham and the totally unwanted and unwarranted return of fucking Fleggy! What the fuck was he doing there? He's retired. End of. Nobody ring him anymore.
Unsurprisingly, with Fleggs there, we won 10-2 i.e. we dropped two frames. Fleggy played two frames. We lost 2 frames.
Go figure.
Beautiful.
Finish of the Week has to go to Fleggy's opponent with a terrific pot off 3 cushions with a dislodge followed by a launch with dislodge knocking the black over the bag followed by drop-in 8 ball. What was Fleggs doing leaving game on like that though?
Piss Head of the Week goes to David. With Q a close second. There is a distinct lack of entrants into Piss Head of the Week just recently. It's disgraceful. PJ, Ishan, Fleggy, and Rikchard you're on a warning. Any more of this not getting fucking smashed and we might have to start looking for replacements. Mick is fine at getting drunk, Q is fine and David is still setting a captain's example. Nick the Brief has asked to join the team. You have been warned. And he's better than Fleggs.
Top of the Week goes to Mick's beautiful cut off that Steve Highway gave to his dad, Terry McDermott after the European Cup Final against Borrusia Monchengladbach in '77.
Some merchant big chop.
Yoghurt of the Week goes to Ishan and his harem, with a big shout out to all at Falcon's Kebabs, especially Punjab Tandoori who is in charge of the tandoori funnily enough. Sad news though, as Ishan is now down to just 13 wives after Aslah, his 14th wife, was beheaded in his homeland for stealing a pomegranate.
Chalk Launch of the Week goes to Q who pulled off a classic drop-kick-across-the-room-into-the-snooker-players-tracky-bottoms technique followed by a clean of his trainers much to David Hanarahanaraharahanrarahan's amusement.
Don't ever say we at Hustlers don't give you anything:
An Ian Beale mask!
Free for you to print, cut out and wear wherever you want.
We're thinking of moving to Dog and Duck in Walkington, we might as well. We'll have a vote on Thursday team members.
Gratuitous David Cumshot Pic:
Ha, it's on your fucking nose, cunt.
Surprisingly, Crown and Anchor in Kilnsea next week lads! Ishan is setting off on Monday at half ten from Spring Bankistan on his Grifter if anyone needs a lift. He's doing overnight stops at Hedon, Burstwick and Patrington to get there for half seven on Thursday and he says he can take the full team if needed.
See you there....
......................
